For this new installment of our GLOSS series, we are looking at a new supernatural patron for DCC: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Initially a satire of religion, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has become a regular feature of social media and pop culture.
The entry is presented in the same manner as the others in the DCC Core Rulebook.
You can find GLOSS #1 here: https://mgshp.com/gloss-1-reskinning-dcc-classes/, GLOSS #2 here: https://mgshp.com/gloss-2-dcc-catfolk-druids-and-dragonfolk/, GLOSS #3 here: https://mgshp.com/gloss-3-the-wordsmith/, and GLOSS #4 here: https://mgshp.com/gloss-4-the-kobold/
The Flying Spaghetti Monster
An embodiment of moral skepticism and creative faith, the being known as the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) demands little of its followers beyond an open mind and wide perspective. Forming a bond with the FSM is relatively simple, but by the same token is relatively easy to lose. Supplicants need only to spend a week in a library or other house of knowledge to form the bond, but must regularly reaffirm this commitment to gaining knowledge or risk abandonment.
| Roll | Result |
| 12 – 13 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster is preoccupied. The caster receives a +1d5 bonus to their Intelligence modifier for one hour. |
| 14-17 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster sends a morass of noodles, meatballs, and corrosive sauce that fills a 20 x 20 area to a depth of 24”. For 1d6 rounds, all creatures within the area must succeed on a DC 10 Fort save or take 1d4 damage. |
| 18-19 | The ground surrounding the caster’s most dangerous nearby opponent becomes saturated with spaghetti sauce. The enemy takes 3d4 damage as its body is churned and crushed in the savory fluid (DC 20 Ref save for half). |
| 20-23 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster sends a Spaghetti Pirate. It arrives in 1d4 rounds. It obeys the caster’s commands until the FSM needs it elsewhere (caster must make DC 20 spell check every hour or it departs; or judge’s discretion). Spaghetti Pirate (type I demon, Flying Spaghetti Monster): Init +1; Atk thrown bottle +6 ranged (1d8+2, range 30 ft.); Crit 1d4/DN; AC 13; HD 3d12; 19 hp; MV 20’; Act 1d20; SP demon traits; SV Fort +4, Ref +2, Will +0; AL N. A Spaghetti Pirate looks like a translucent human dressed in shabby but once-fine clothing suitable for long sea voyages. |
| 24-27 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster sends a Spaghetti Acolyte. It arrives in 1d4 rounds. It obeys the caster’s commands until the FSM needs it elsewhere (caster must make DC 20 spell check every hour or it departs; or judge’s discretion). This large humanoid creature seems to be made of meatballs, with two eyestalks protruding from its head. It can carry a Medium or smaller creature, though any rider or passenger may with to employ a blanket or other covering to avoid being coated in spaghetti sauce. Spaghetti Acolyte (type I demon, Flying Spaghetti Monster): Init +0; Atk energy blast +4 melee (2d6); Crit 1d4/DN; AC 15; HD 4d12; 26 hp; MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP demon traits; SV Fort +4, Ref +4, Will +0; AL N. A Spaghetti Acolyte appears as a tall, stocky humanoid wrapped from head to toe in ribbons and straps, with two eyestalks protruding from its head. |
| 28-29 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster sends a Spaghetti Dragon. This massive snakelike creature rises immediately from a nearby puddle of tomato sauce (which appears as part of the Spaghetti Snake’s arrival) and lashes out about immediately, striking down foes in between gargling hisses. It remains for one hour. Spaghetti Dragon (type II demon, Flying Spaghetti Monster): Init +4; Atk +2 bite +8 melee (2d5+4) or crushing trample +8 melee (1d8+2) or Spaghetti +10 melee (1d12 fire damage and the target must make a Reflex save or catch fire, taking 1d6 damage for 1d4 rounds); Crit 1d6/DN; AC 18; HD 6d12; 39 hp; MV 30’ or swim 30’; Act 2d20; SP detect good (+6 spell check), demon traits; SV Fort +6, Ref +8, Will +6; AL N. Any creature wounded by a Spaghetti Dragon must make a DC 18 Fort save or contract a debilitating disease. The disease manifests 1d7 days later as terrible misfortune, inflicting a -4 penalty to Luck until cured by magical means. A Spaghetti Dragon looks like an enormous snake with flowing tentacles that resemble noodles undulating off its snout. |
| 30-31 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster sends an avatar. This dark mesh of noodles, sauce, and meatballs drops from above to attack the caster’s enemies. It remains for 2d6 rounds, during which time it fights ferociously. Spaghetti Avatar (type IV demon, Flying Spaghetti Monster): Init +6; Atk noodle +12 melee (3d8+6) engulf +16 melee (1d12+4 plus swallow), Dark Ides +13 melee (2d12 lightning damage and the target must make a Reflex save or drop to the bottom of the initiative order for 1d4 rounds); Crit 1d10/DN; AC 22; HD 10d12; 65 hp; MV 60’ or fly 60’; Act 2d20; SP swallow whole, spaghetti, spells (+8 spell check): detect magic, demon traits; SV Fort +12, Ref +10, Will +12; AL N. Spaghetti: Target takes 5d6 damage (DC 15 Reflex save for half). |
| 32+ | The Flying Spaghetti Monster sends an avatar and also imbues the caster with a supernatural burst of strength. The caster gains a +6 bonus to Strength as long as the avatar remains present. The avatar, a mass of writhing spaghetti tentacles covered in oozing sauce surrounding meatball eyes, drops from above to attack the caster’s enemies. It remains for 2d6 rounds, during which time it fights ferociously Spaghetti Avatar (type IV demon, Flying Spaghetti Monster): Init +6; Atk noodle +12 melee (3d8+6) or engulf +16 melee (1d12+4 plus swallow), Dark Ides +13 melee (2d12 lightning damage and the target must make a Reflex save or drop to the bottom of the initiative order for 1d4 rounds); Crit 1d16/DN; AC 22; HD 10d12; MV 60’ or fly 60’; Act 2d20; SP swallow whole, spaghetti, spells (+8 spell check): detect magic, demon traits; SV Fort +12, Ref +10, Will +12; AL N. Spaghetti: Target takes 5d6 damage (DC 15 Reflex save for half). A Spaghetti Avatar appears as a mass of writhing noodle-like tentacles the size of a small house holding two enormous meatballs, with two eyestalks protruding from the top. If the Spaghetti Avatar succeeds in an engulf attack, it can make a second engulf attack that same round to attempt to absorb the target. If the second engulf attack succeeds, the target does not take damage but is now trapped in the Spaghetti Avatar, where it takes damage each round thereafter equal to 1d8 acid and 1d8 constriction. A trapped creature can try to cut its way out with a small weapon (such as a dagger) by inflicting 15 points of damage against AC 22. A Spaghetti Avatar can cast detect creatures, choking cloud, and scare at a +8 spell check. Any creature wounded by a Spaghetti Avatar must make a DC 20 Fort save or contract a debilitating disease. The disease manifests 1d7 days later as terrible shakes and shivers, inflicting a -4 penalty to Strength and Agility until cured by magical means. |
Patron Taint: the Flying Spaghetti Monster
When patron taint is indicated for the Flying Spaghetti Monster, roll 1d6 on the table below. When a caster has acquired all six taints at all levels of effect, there is no need to continue rolling any more.
| Roll | Result |
| 1 | A puff of finely ground mozzarella cheese appears whenever the caster casts any spell. The cheese is distracting and annoying but otherwise does no harm. If this result is rolled a second time, the effect is amplified such that a large burst of the cheese appears with each spell. The burst is large enough to distract nearby creatures within 10’, both friend and foe (DC 8 Will save or -1 to all rolls for one round), though the caster is immune. If this result is rolled a third time, the cheese wafts off the caster constantly, day and night, whether they are casting spells or doing something else. |
| 2 | The caster is constantly damp with thick, red sauce, as if they were sweating it out in a humid environment. Their brow moistens, they sweat constantly, and smell vaguely of cooking tomatoes. This affects their ability to carry scrolls, paper books, and anything else that can absorb liquid or be stained. If this result is rolled a second time, the caster emits so much of the sauce that their clothes are soaked by noontime every day. If this result is rolled a third time, the caster actually exudes a constant trickle. They are constantly thirsty and must continually rehydrate their body, and they leave puddles behind when they stop moving. |
| 3 | The caster’s face and body begins to transform. Their eyes begin to bulge and their flesh begins to separate, resembling noodles strung together to hold in their internal organs. Their voice deepens and takes on a wet, slimy quality. If this result is rolled a second time, the caster’s eyes begin to protrude from their face on thick three-inch stalks, and their innards become more easily visible through the strands their flesh has become. They must wear their clothing tight or reinforce it with bands of cloth or leather to keep their body from falling apart. They can still pass for human, some of the time, although only by retracting their eyestalks as much as possible and claiming they’re deformed or otherwise strange. If this result is rolled a third time, the caster’s eyestalks extend to 12 inches and their skin resembles nothing so much as loops of damp noodles, with their internal organs appearing to be meatballs. The cast must remain tightly wrapped in straps or bandages or take 1d3 points of Stamina damage per day, which cannot be healed until their bodies are sufficiently bound. They can cover their bodies with concealing robes or togas, but there is absolutely no way they can pass for a normal human. |
| 4 | Every time the caster casts any spell, the area of effect is filled with the horrid scent of rotting tomatoes. If this result is rolled again, a noxious smell accompanies the caster at all times, and is sufficiently vile that passersby comment on it. If this result is rolled a third time, the caster stinks so badly they are not welcome in polite company (but is considered fragrant and delicious by the followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) and immediately identifies the caster as such to fellow believers. |
| 5 | Whenever the caster casts a spell, their legs extend but become weak, supple, and noodle-like. They look deformed, and the caster must then move in short steps for a period of 1d4 rounds, at which point their legs return to normal. (If a spell effect interacts with this, the spell effect takes precedent.) If this result is rolled a second time, the transformation is more complete, such that the caster’s legs truly resemble wet noodles for 1d4 turns. They must move in lurches rather than steps, which looks strange. If this result is rolled a third time, the caster’s legs permanently change into noodles. They gain the ability to wrap these appendages around branches, beams, and similar types of supports, granting them a +2 bonus on checks to climb trees and rough surfaces. |
| 6 | When the caster casts a spell, tiny meatballs appear around them. The meatballs drop from the air, fall from the folds of their clothing, rise up out of the ground beneath their feet, and sometimes materialize as part of the spell being cast. Then they roll off into the underbrush. If this result is rolled a second time, the meatballs appear not just when the caster casts a spell but also 1d4 times randomly each day. It may be when the caster sits down to dinner, or tries to study a spellbook, or draws their dagger for combat: the meatballs just appear. If this result is rolled a third time, the meatballs become a permanent accompaniment to the caster, who is always followed by a rolling parade of variously sized meat lumps, ranging from 1-10 inches in diameter. No matter how many times they kick, scoop, throw, shovel, or discard them new ones arrive from unexpected sources. The caster has a very hard time fitting into polite society. |
Patron Spells: Flying Spaghetti Monster
His Noodly Majesty grants three unique spells, as follows:
Level 1: Dark Ides
Level 2: Spaghetti Blessing
Level 3: Spaghetti Wrath
Spellburn: Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Flying Spaghetti Monster does not reason like humanity, and its requests do not always have an immediate end goal. When a caster utilizes spellburn, roll 1d4 on the table below when a request is made.
| Roll | Spellburn Result |
| 1 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster needs the blood of a meat eater. The caster’s blood will do (expressed as Stamina, Strength, or Agility loss). |
| 2 | His Divine Sauciness needs the feet of a human-shaped creature (any creature that is bipedal and has a distinct body form with identifiable arms, legs, hands, feet, etc). In this special situation, the character can spellburn up to 10 points of ability score loss, but need not take any physical action or damage. If they sacrifice the feet of a human (any humanoid will do) to the Flying Spaghetti Monster before the next sunrise, the character takes no spellburn. If they fail to find such a sacrifice, they take the full 10 points, distributed across ability scores at the judge’s discretion, at the next sunrise. |
| 3 | The Flying Spaghetti Monster requires the sweet voice of the caster to make an invocation that his own amorphous servants cannot pronounce properly. Time slows to a crawl as the caster character is whisked away to a dizzying plane of hard, slightly concave platforms full of slipper sauce and flexible noodles, beset by occasional stabs and rotations of large three and four pronged forks thrusting from above, where they are forced to read a text written in the words of their native language but with a recondite meaning utterly beyond their comprehension. Upon completing the invocation, they appear back on their native plane. No time seems to have passed, and they find themselves weakened by whatever extent they sacrificed ability score points for spellburn. |
| 4 | A slithering mass of noodly tentacles wriggles forth from the ground at the caster’s feet, where they promptly wrap their ankles and begin dissolving the caster’s flesh. If the caster resists, the noodles retract and the spellburn fails. If they do not resist, the noodles dissolve the skin of the caster’s legs until the spellburn is complete as normal, then they wriggle back into the earth. As they disappear below the ground, one turns back and undulates in thanks from the Flying Spaghetti Monster … then it is gone. |
Spell Descriptions
Dark Ides
| Level: 1 (FSM) | Range: See below Duration: See below Casting Time: 1 round Save: Ref vs. spell check DC |
| General | With this spell, the caster summons forth a mighty discharge of magical electrical energy, sufficient to electrocute most creatures, causing massive damage and leaving them stunned and unable to act. |
| Manifestation | See below. |
| Corruption | Roll 1d8: (1) caster is permanently charged with static electricity, causing them to take 1 point of shock damage every time they touch a metal object, and causing them to inflict 1 point of shock damage every time they touch a creature wearing metal armor; (2) caster’s hair permanently stands on end, defying gravity in a most peculiar way, and they take a -1 penalty on Initiative checks; (3) caster is forever sensitive to electrical currents, allowing them to discover water underground as a dowser but also causing them to take +1 damage per die on all electrical attacks; (4) caster’s brain is scrambled by electrical currents, causing their Intelligence and Personality scores to transpose; (5-6) major; (7-8) greater. |
| Misfire | Roll 1d3: (1) caster zaps themself for 2d4 damage; (2) caster zaps one randomly determined ally within 30’ for 2d4 damage; (3) caster charges the point where they stand with electrical energy, such that any creature within 10’ of that point on a following round who wears metal armor or carries metal weapons will take 2d6 damage as the electrical charge is released; the charge does not dissipate until released. |
| 1 | Lost, failure, and patron taint. |
| 2-11 | Lost. Failure. |
| 12-13 | The caster releases a single lightning bolt aimed at one target. The target must be within 50’, and it takes 1d3 damage. |
| 14-15 | The caster releases a single lightning bolt aimed at one target. The target must be within 50’, and it takes 1d3+CL damage. |
| 16-17 | The caster releases a single lightning bolt aimed at one target. The target must be within 100’. The target takes 1d4 damage and must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 18-21 | The caster releases a single lightning bolt aimed at one target to which they have line of sight. The bolt has a range of 50’ from the point of origination, which can be anywhere within 50’ of the caster. The target takes 2d4 damage and must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 22-23 | Static electricity! The caster designates a target within 100’. The target and all living targets within 30’ of it (including allies and potentially the caster if they are in range) take 1d3 damage must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 24-26 | Chain lightning! The caster releases a single lightning bolt that jumps between up to four targets. The first target must be within 50’ of the caster, and each subsequent target must be within 30’ of the prior target. The lightning bolt cannot loop back to a prior target. The first target takes 4d3 damage, the second target takes 3d3 damage, the third target takes 2d3 damage, and the final target takes 1d3 damage. Each target must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 27-31 | Forked lightning! The caster releases five lightning bolts, one from each finger on one hand, but all targets must be within a 45 degree arc in front of the caster. A single target cannot be hit by more than one lightning bolt; if there are fewer than five eligible targets, then the last lightning bolts strike the ground and are lost. Maximum range of any single bolt is 150’. Each target takes 3d4 damage and must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 32-33 | Ball lightning! The caster picks a point within 200’. A mighty charge of electricity explodes at that point. The target directly at the point of explosion takes 8d4 damage. All creatures within 20’ take 3d4 damage. Each target must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 34-35 | Lightning storm! Dark clouds roll overhead as the caster directs blasts of electricity from the heavens. The caster may choose up to six targets within 500’ and in line of sight. Lightning bolts arc down from the sky to strike these targets. Each target is hit by 1d5 bolts doing 1d8 damage each. Each target must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
| 36+ | The caster releases a single massive lightning bolt that forks to hit up to eight targets. The caster chooses a point of origination within 1,000’. The bolt has a range of 400’ from the point of origination and does total damage of 20d4. The caster can divide that damage between up to eight targets as they see fit. For example, the first target could take 13d4, then the next seven targets take 1d4 each. Each target must succeed on a Reflex save or be stunned, falling to the bottom of the initiative count for 1d3 rounds. |
Spaghetti Blessing
| Level: 2 (FSM) | Range: Touch Duration: 2d5 minutes, +1 minute/CL Casting Time: 1 round Save: N/A |
| General | The Flying Spaghetti Monster’s energy flows through the caster, healing damage as indicated by the casting check results. When the spell check result indicates multiple available options, the caster makes this choice each time the spell is cast. The total number of bones that the caster can mend is fixed by each casting check result and must be divided amongst the treated victims. When removing afflictions the caster may choose to remove a different affliction from each treated creature as long as the affliction is on the list. This spell cannot restore points lost from a target’s Luck score. |
| Manifestation | Roll 1d6; (1-4) the caster suddenly finds that they have an intricately decorated leather satchel full of pasta-making tools, or it appears at their feet. The supplies in the bag include a gnocchi board, a dough scraper, cutters, a rolling pin, and a pasta stamp, and the bag can be used as a focus or nexus for the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s power, but it and its contents disappear and the spell ends after the caster stops treating the injured, even if they were still uses available. (5) A strange cloud of tomato sauce vapor covers the targets of the spell and is empowered to apply the effects of this spell to the designated number of creatures. (6+) The creature targeted for healing disappears in a nimbus of red and brown light and reappears in the same manner 1d3 turns later healed of such injuries as the spell table allows. They have no memory of what happened to them while they were absent other than a vague sense of noodles and protruding eyes. |
| Corruption | The first time the caster is corrupted by this spell, they lose the ability to heal naturally and must seek out magical aid. The next time the caster is corrupted by this spell, any hit points they receive from magical healing are reduced by 1 point before being applied to the caster. This penalty is cumulative upon further corruptions; if the penalty is greater than the number of hit points gained by the healing check the caster gains no healing from that check. |
| Misfire | The caster and the intended recipient of the spell… roll 1d5: (1) Take 1d5 points of damage, (2) Take 1d4 points of damage, (3) Take 1d3 points of damage, (4) Take 2 points of damage, (5) Take 1 point of damage. |
| 1 | Lost, failure, and patron taint. |
| 2-11 | Lost. Failure. |
| 12-13 | Failure, but spell is not lost. |
| 14-15 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a minor healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon themselves or upon one other living creature to restore 2d3 hit points and the spell ends. |
| 16-19 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a minor healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target, +1 target per 5 caster levels and may include themselves as a recipient; restoring 2d4 hit points to each touched creature. |
| 20-21 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a moderate healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target, +1 target per 5 caster levels which may include themselves as a recipient; restoring 2d5 hit points to each touched creature. Alternately, the spell restores 1d3 lost attribute points to those treated by the caster. |
| 22-25 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into an acute healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target, +1 target per 5 caster levels which may include themselves as a recipient, choose one: • Restore 2d6 hit points to each creature treated by the caster. • Restore 1d3 lost attribute points, +1 point per 5 caster levels to each creature treated by the caster. • The caster may choose to reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to one bone per caster level. The caster can mend multiple fractures in one target or fix the broken bones of several injured creatures. |
| 26-29 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a serious healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target, +1 target per 3 caster levels which may include themselves as a recipient, choose one: • Restore 2d7 hit points to each creature treated by the caster. • Restores 1d4 lost attribute points, +1 point per 5 caster levels to each creature treated by the caster. • The caster may choose to reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to one bone mended per caster level. The caster can mend multiple fractures in one target or fix the broken bones of several injured creatures, including themselves. • The caster may choose to restore the health of touched creatures from any one of the following minor curses, assuming the casting check or DC for that curse or condition is less than the casting result for this spell: blindness, deafness, nausea, fatigue, non-magical venom or disease; as well as other similar, but minor effects. |
| 30-31 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a critical healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target per 3 caster levels which may include themselves as a recipient, choose one: • Restore 2d8 hit points to each creature treated by the caster. • Restores 1d5 lost attribute points, +1 point per 3 caster levels to creatures treated by the caster. • The caster may either choose to reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to 2 bones mended per caster level. The caster can mend multiple fractures in one target or fix the broken bones of several injured creatures, including themselves. • The caster may choose to restore the health of touched creatures from any one of the following minor or major curses, assuming the casting check or DC for that curse or condition is less than the casting result for this spell: blindness, deafness, pain, nausea, fatigue, paralysis, venoms and disease, magical venom and disease; as well as other similar effects. |
| 32-33 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a major healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target per 3 caster levels which may include themselves as a recipient, choose one: • Restores 2d10 hit points to each creature treated by the caster. • Restores 1d6 lost attribute points, +1 point per 3 caster levels per creature treated by the caster. • The caster may reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to 2 bones mended per caster level, mending multiple fractures in one target or fixing the broken bones of several injured creatures, including themselves. • The caster may restore the health of touched creatures from any one of the following minor or major curses, assuming the casting check or DC for that curse or condition is less than the casting result for this spell: blindness, deafness, pain, nausea, fatigue, paralysis, turned to stone, venom and disease, magical venom and disease; as well as other similar effects. |
| 34-35 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into an heroic healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon one target per 2 caster levels which may include themselves as a recipient, choose one: • Restore 2d12 hit points to each creature treated by the caster. • Restores 1d7 lost attribute points, +1 point per 2 caster levels per creature treated by the caster. • The caster may reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to 2 bones mended per caster level, mending multiple fractures in one target or fixing the broken bones of several injured creatures, including themselves. • The caster may restore the health of touched creatures from any one of the following minor or major curses, assuming the casting check for that curse or condition is less than the casting result for this spell: blindness, deafness, pain, nausea, fatigue, paralysis, polymorphed, turned to stone, venom and disease, magical venom or disease; as well as other similar effects. |
| 36-37 | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into an epic healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon 3 targets per caster level which may include themselves as a recipient, choose one effect to apply to all 3 targets: • The spell restores 2d14 hit points and 1d8 lost attribute points +1 point per 2 caster levels per creature treated by the caster. • The caster may reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to 3 bones mended per caster level, mending multiple fractures in one target or fixing the broken bones of several injured creatures, including themselves. • Additionally, the caster may restore the health of touched creatures from any 2 of the following minor or major curses, assuming the casting check for these curses or conditions is less than the casting result for this spell: blindness, deafness, pain, nausea, fatigue, paralysis, polymorphed, turned to stone, venom and disease, magical venom and disease, or reattach severed limbs if they are still available; as well as other similar effects. |
| 38+ | Spell allows the caster to draw upon the infinity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, channeling this energy into a legendary healing event. The caster may focus the spell upon four targets per caster level which may include the caster as a recipient. The spell allows the caster to choose any three of the following options; but the choice of capabilities is made once and applied uniformly to all targets: • Restore 2d16 hit points’ +1 point per caster level to each creature treated by the caster. • Restore 2d5 lost attribute points +1 point per 2 caster levels to each creature treated by the caster. • The caster may reset and mend a total number of broken bones equal to 4 bones mended per caster level. The caster can mend multiple fractures in the same target. • The caster may restore the health of touched creatures from any 2 of the following minor or major curses, assuming the casting check or DC for that curse or condition is less than the casting result for this spell: blindness, deafness, pain, nausea, fatigue, paralysis, polymorphed, turned to stone, venom and disease, magical venom and disease, re-attaches or re-grows lost limbs; and similar effects. |
Spaghetti Wrath
| Level: 3 (FSM) | Range: 50’ + 10’ per CL Duration: 1 round per CL Casting Time: 1 action Save: Fort save |
| General | This spell produces a thin, ropy tentacle of energy that bursts from a target’s body in a painful rupture. |
| Manifestation | A conglomeration of lightning bolts that undulate like tentacles appears, arcing and thrashing out to fill the area. |
| Corruption | Roll 1d4: (1) caster’s eyes are replaced by glowing golden orbs that crackle with silent lightning; (2) caster’s body is mottled with veins of red and brown; (3) caster develops a large paunch in their midsection that looks great under a chef’s apron; (4) the caster feels a gnawing hunger at all times and must eat twice the amount of food normally required in order to be satiated.. |
| Misfire: | Roll 1d5: (1) caster must make a DC 10 Fort save or have their heart temporarily stop beating, stunning them for 1 round; (2) all the caster’s metal possessions become incredibly hot to the touch; (3) electrical feedback knocks the caster back 15’ feet and inflicts 1d4 damage; (4) a rain of meatballs falls in a 40’ area around the caster, causing all to make a DC 8 Fort save or suffer 1d3 damage from bludgeoning; (5) caster and all other creatures within a 20’ radius must succeed on a DC 10 Reflex save or fall prone as the ground is coated with slippery sauce. |
| 1 | Lost, failure, and patron taint. |
| 2-22 | Lost. Failure. |
| 12-15 | Failure, but spell is not lost. |
| 16-17 | A single bolt busts from the midsection of one target of the caster’s choice within range. The bolt does 1d6 points of damage and the target must make a successful Fort save or suffer a -1 penalty to melee attack rolls and Initiative checks on the following round. |
| 22-23 | A single bolt busts from the midsection of one target of the caster’s choice within range. The bolt does 1d8 points of damage and the target must make a successful Fort save or suffer a -1 penalty to melee attack rolls and Initiative checks on the following round. |
| 24-26 | The caster causes a number of bolts equal to their CL to bust from the midsection of a single target within the spell’s range. Each bolt does 1d10 points of damage and requires the target to make a successful Fort save or suffer a -1 penalty to melee attack rolls and Initiative checks on the following round. |
| 27-31 | The caster can cause a number of bolts equal to twice their CL to burst from the midsection of multiple targets within the spell’s range. These bolts cause 1d14 damage and require each target to make a successful Fort save or be debilitated for 1d4 rounds. During this time, their movement rate is reduced to 5’ and they suffer a -2 penalty to all initiative rolls, attacks, damage, saving throws, and spell checks. |
| 32-33 | The caster can cause a number of bolts equal to twice their CL to burst from the midsection of multiple targets within the spell’s range. These bolts cause 1d16 damage and require each target to make a successful Fort save or be debilitated for 1d4 rounds. During this time, their movement rate is reduced to 5’ and they suffer a -2 penalty to all initiative rolls, attacks, damage, saving throws, and spell checks. In addition, each target must make a Will save or become confused for 1 round, rolling percentile dice on the CONFUSION RESULTS table below. A confused character who can’t carry out the indicated action does nothing but babble incoherently. |
| 34-35 | The caster can cause a number of bolts equal to twice their CL to burst from the midsection of multiple targets within the spell’s range. These bolts cause 1d20 damage and require each target to make a successful Fort save or be debilitated for 1d6 rounds. During this time, their movement rate is reduced to 5’ and they suffer a -4 penalty to all initiative rolls, attacks, damage, saving throws, and spell checks. In addition, each target must make a Will save or become confused for the same amount of time they are debilitated, rolling percentile dice on the CONFUSION RESULTS table below on each of their turns but rerolling a result of 10 or lower. A confused character who can’t carry out the indicated action does nothing but babble incoherently. |
| 36+ | The caster can cause a number of bolts equal to twice their CL to burst from the midsection of multiple targets within the spell’s range. These bolts cause 1d30 damage and require each target to make a successful Fort save or be debilitated for 1d8 rounds. During this time, their movement rate is reduced to 5’ and they suffer a -2 penalty to all initiative rolls, attacks, damage, saving throws, and spell checks. In addition, each target must make a DC 15 Will save on each of their turns or do nothing but babble incoherently. Only miraculous magicks by a powerful cleric or a sincere quest on behalf of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can remove this effect once it has been inflicted on a subject. |
| CONFUSION RESULTS | |
| % | Behavior |
| 1-10 | Act normally. |
| 11-20 | Attack caster with melee or ranged weapons (or close with caster if attack is not possible). |
| 21-50 | Do nothing but babble incoherently. |
| 51-70 | Flee away from caster at top possible speed. |
| 71-100 | Attack nearest creature (for this purpose, a familiar counts as part of the subject’s self). |